Farts, Spit Ups and Math - OH WHY

Putting a baby down to sleep is an artform. It takes plenty of skill and grace not to wake them up during transit to the bassinet. So, when my wife put James down to bed last night and he let out the loudest (and longest..5sec+) rumbling fart without a flinch - imagine my amazement.

He’s barely 2 months old and it really is bizarre how many of his little idiosyncrasies mirror my own. Sure, that includes passing gas but it’s definitely true in our eating habits. Much like me, our little dude gets so ferocious during mealtime. He reacts to the bottle as if he’s been marooned on an island, dying of starvation and out of nowhere the Gods wash ashore a gigantic shipment of Enfamil Enspire Infant Formula. No time to think – just pour the pediatrician’s recommended amount directly into mouth and wash down with saltwater. Might as well, because he throws up most of it anyway! I’d love to see the math on how much $$ ends up on my son’s onesies per week. You know what? Fuck it, it’s my blog.. let’s do the math:

Here’s what we know…

Our research in the field shows that James spits up between 0 to 2 oz per feeding….

I know what you’re thinking.. $11.68/wk is nothing - get over it. Guys! That’s $607.36/yr AT LEAST and that’s assuming all variables stay the same. On the high end it amounts to $1,214.72/yr and that’s unacceptable.

So what can you do? Nothing really. Just feed them slowly and hope for the best. Don’t force feed them of course, but also look for clues that they’ve had enough. I can usually tell when James is getting full because his eyes start to get heavy and his latch on the nipple of the bottle starts to resemble more of a suck than a gulp, if that makes sense.

Good luck out there. I’m going to go mow some lawns to make up for the lost cheddar. <3.